Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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