i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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