"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize