yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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