Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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