She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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