I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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