I just saw a hot homeless man
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize