totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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