chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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