Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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