we have pet lesbian snakes
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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