i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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