I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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