Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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