Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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