I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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