And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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