its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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