My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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