I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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