clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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