I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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