so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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