New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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