i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize