I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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