I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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