the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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