we have pet lesbian snakes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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