you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
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Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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