I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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