i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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