Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize