So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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