There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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