It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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