What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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