Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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