Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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