Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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