oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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