Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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