This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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