I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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