It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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