I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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