a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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