i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have feelings that need drinking.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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