I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize